right off the fryer

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I am young, not at heart of course, but nothing makes me feel old like talking to my baby sister and trying to keep up with the latest acronyms, as I eluded to in my last post. Youngsters, excluding myself, just take it for granted that everyone will know what LOL means. My grandma sent a text to me about my great grandpa’s funeral service and ending it with LOL. Laughing out loud seemed a bit inappropriate. My grandma is a sweet person, granted she has an edge, so I decided that it meant lots of love to her.

When we were kids my grandma had a bright purple Mustang.  We absolutely loved it and just wanted to touch it all the time, until my grandma saw us touching it.

“If you kids touch my car one more time I’m going to rip your arm off and beat you with the bloody end!”

This is the edge I’m referring to.

 Until very recently I thought SMH stood for so much hate. It works in almost every situation. For example, I got a chat from a co-worker about that lazy person in the office. “They didn’t run the report again. SMH.” So much hate makes perfect sense. “We have to work on Labor Day. SMH.” Apparently it means shaking my head. I would never think “shaking my head” to that statement. I would however be filled with hate.

So here are my versions of the latest acronyms I have seen.

SMH – so much hate.

IRL – I’m really laughing (since LOL is used even when not actually laughing out loud).

ROTF – right off the fryer. Makes no sense at all. But acronyms are literally impossible to figure out.

IYKWIM – this one blew my mind. I mean the time it would take to decipher something like this? Ridiculous. I’m yawning knowing.. that is as far as I got.

In honor of my edgy and amazing grandma, I’ll leave you with another hilarious “cat breading” photo (still can’t believe this is a thing), mostly because she hates furry things. Any squirrel that even looks at her plants wrong is fated to receive a pellet in the rear from her BB gun, always loaded and peacefully perched on her lamp.

Last "cat breading" photo, I swear

Last “cat breading” photo, I swear

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OH, mama come get your young-ins

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I grew up in Buda, TX (often pronounced Buddha even after hearing it correctly pronounced). Home to Cabela’s – the only largest attraction in Buda. And if you are just now learning about Cabela’s, you are welcome! Full of elaborate stuffed animal displays, guns, camo, and ostrich burgers, you will not leave disappointed if just going for a visit after reading this. You will probably leave empty handed though because very few people outside of Buda actually need these things. I can see this quickly turning into an essay about Cabela’s – so moving on.

Example of a display you could find at Cabela's. Perfect photo op.

Example of a display you could find at Cabela’s. Perfect photo op.

I now live in Houston, TX – home of humidity, traffic jams, and fast drivers (LOVE IT). Fast drivers that is. The cops are WAY too busy catching drug dealers and human traffickers (did you know Houston is a mecca of human trafficking?? I was shocked to learn this) to worry about people like myself going over the speed limit. It is pretty much a free-for-all on the roads. I absolutely dread driving anywhere outside of Houston because people drive like total shit everywhere else, and are offended by aggressive driving. My younger sister moved to the outskirts of Houston and has called me in tears and total breakdown mode because “no one is letting me over sissy!”. WTH (“what the hell” for people that are horrible with acronyms like me).

“Amy, there is traffic. People are moving slow. Just put the nose of your car in the other lane and work your way over. You can’t get hit at that speed.”

In hind sight that might have been bad advice, but it always works for me, and the rest of Houston. Needless to say she also follows the speed limit, and I bet you wouldn’t have guessed, she is a teacher! Career stereotypes exist for a reason, people. Despite our obvious personality differences, probably stemming from birth order, we are the best of friends and she followed in my footsteps a lot. We were both on the dance team, both went to A&M, both are now in the Houston area, similar taste in style, you get the point.

My baby sister has spent most of her life trying to be the opposite of Amy and me. And since Amy and I are pretty different, I don’t really know what the opposite of that is. Things that come to mind are that she loves tie-dye (the hippie kind), never wanted to go to A&M (ugh), and prefers cats (self-explanatory). She is young and molding her own path, so more updates to come as she progresses. Sharon and I look like we could be twins. Although she joined the swim team when she moved to Florida with my mom (totally opposite of Amy and I) so now is much more buff and tan than I have ever been. She does not think before speaking, which is hilarious (at times). Last Christmas Sharon was back in Texas and the Family was together. One of the kiddos said something about their mom’s favorite word, some innocent, sweet word I can’t even remember. Sharon’s rebuttal was “I’m not allowed to repeat my mom’s favorite word.”  HILARIOUS. Love her.

I grew up SUPER conservative. Typical Baptist-Republican-Texan family, but worse. I wasn’t even allowed to watch Friends!! So naturally I watch it every night before bed now. My childhood is a blur of raising animals, playing outside with my sisters (mom locked the door often to “encourage” using our imaginations outside), doing things behind my parent’s back that everyone else was allowed to do, and Amy getting in trouble everyday. I never got in trouble that I recall. In retrospect, sneaking around to do normal things sure did keep me out of trouble. Instead of sneaking around to have sex and experiment with drugs, I had to sneak around to watch the nude scene in Titanic (true story). I wasn’t even AWARE of the bad stuff going on. That is how prudish my best friend and I were. My parents were married all of my childhood so any potential damage from divorce has only made me funnier.

My fiancé often refers to me as a country bumpkin, which is extremely offensive, especially since we are from the same damn town! Not only are we both from Buda, we both attended A&M. But we did not know each other during this time – which was for the best. You have to really know me to see my country side. Or at least I always thought that. I don’t think anyone that sees me at work would ever guess? That is my goal at least. Adam always tries to pin stupid sayings on me just because I said one, ONE time! One day he said “OH mama come get your young-ins.” I crack-up and say what the hell? He then proceeds to blame ME for saying that and introducing it to him. Never in my life have I said that. Well I mean before he taught it to me. I say it all the time now. If I find myself ever saying “OHHH”, then “mama come get your young-ins” just naturally follows.  Turns out the retired dad of his small company is where he heard it, not me! I started to really question my roots when he had me thinking for a brief second that I might have possibly said that without remembering, tequila induced memory loss maybe? For now I’m safe from the nut house (and AA). I’m one country bumpkin saying way from locking myself up though.

-Kathryn

After thought: I just discovered “cat breading” (not to be confused with breeding) is a thing, and hilarious.

catbreading