Things I have learned while being engaged

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This isn’t for the faint of heart. Here is my list of things I have learned during this process.

  • Men will rarely say something positive to your fiancé about marriage – even if you are standing right there. And by rarely I mean never. It is quite sad since I think Adam is actually excited. Society will rarely say anything positive about marriage. Movies become uncomfortable because the women are so freaking crazy and the men are so unattached as soon as they get married. Gone Girl is not the best date night movie close to a wedding. We tried to laugh it off – but it messes with your mind.
  • Everyone has an opinion. About everything. And they are all different. You don’t want an overpriced tiered cake? You don’t want cake at all? You want to elope? Just do what YOU and your fiancé want!!
  • The things that don’t matter to you matter to everyone else. And you will get hounded about them even if you state you don’t care.
  • Even if you happen to have been a super chill bride at first – not concerned with the crazy stuff everyone expects brides to do (like save the dates), the last month will be hell. HELL. And if you hate confrontation, planning and small details like I do (big picture kind of person), it will be your absolute worst nightmare. You can’t avoid it. Ignorantly I thought it would not happen to me. Of course it did. You are not immune to the crazy that happens!
  • You will cry in the bathroom at work.
  • Take a stand and tell people to just shut the hell up and get over themselves. IT IS NOT ABOUT THEM!!
  • Don’t let people pick their own dresses. You think people have common sense enough to know what is appropriate and what is not, but they don’t.
  • People literally invite themselves to your wedding. Literally!! This one blew my mind. Things you would never dream of doing to someone – people do to you. Receptionists and co-workers at your husband’s work that you have never met  will be offended that they did not get invited to your wedding that is supposed to be a celebration with close family and friends….. WTF.
  • You will say WTF about people all the time.
  • You learn who really cares for you and will be there for you. Friendships will be affected after the big day. People you thought would be there for you no matter what are not and it is just natural to feel differently towards them. And people you did not know would do anything for you, go out of their way for you and become the most wonderful friends in the world. HOLD ON TO THOSE PEOPLE FOR DEAR LIFE.
  • Money will just disappear. You learn how intimate it is to trust someone completely to share something like money – such a touchy thing. This was a positive for me. I never realized something like joint bank accounts would require such trust and intimacy.
  • The thought of your name changing is so very strange and never feels real. In fact, realizing you have found someone you want to be with forever and ever, is really quite crazy and strange to think about.
  • Eventually you just have to step back and realize this is about a marriage, not a wedding, and just tell people straight-up to leave you alone. I’m still working on this one. But I feel a mass phone conference or message coming.
  • I just want to re-iterate the key point here, no one is immune for the unimaginable drama that will occur in the last month. So brace yourself.

As Adam stated when I said “screw everyone I’m going to start being mean”, this is how bridezillas are born. As I stated in response, this is how families are destroyed.

This is supposed to be joyous and fun so it has been quite a disappointment to learn I too have to deal with the crazy drama that everyone talks about. As my wise OBGYN said – weddings are all high drama no matter how hard you try (we are on emailing terms). But at the end of the day this is about a marriage and I have vowed to make my own happiness and meditate on our marriage, not our wedding. And to start telling people to just fuck off.

Kathryn

Disclaimer – I haven’t even taken some of my own advice in fear of starting WWIII and having all future children banded from seeing their grandparents, so proceed with cation when telling anyone to “fuck off”. Although it feels nice to think about saying.